The following are three poems written for a creative writing unit, covering topics of polyamory, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), and a night out swing dancing. Presented in no particular order.
Why does my heart so hurt when I have you?
The love you give has me overflowing
Your smile fills me with joy none can outdo
Our love’s a rock, solid not plateauing.
And yet, one more, one more, they pull me close
Still emptiness beats inside love’s tomb
A touch, a whispered word, a warmth impose
Distinct is love like a garden in bloom.
The world tells me you are all I will need
We both know that single thinking should cease
Two souls among many, time can only impede
Where once was shame there now exists a peace.
But still, many loves for a single heart
Do not solve the problems that they do start.
You hate me don’t you?
You hate me, don’t you? My mind tells me so. You used a full stop in your last text message and yesterday you hugged me with only one arm. You hate me don’t you? It’s plain as day when I think about it for far too long. When we dance you seem distracted, your arms around me and your head in the clouds. Even as we glide along the floor our bodies full of rhythm and joy, I know you hate me. When we talk I watch the way you hold yourself, it says more than your kind words ever could. I know something is wrong when you glance away as a story falls from my mouth. I peter out, afraid I’ve bored you once again. What’s been going on in your life? Tell me about it, please. Unfiltered emotions pour over me like gin on ice, drowning my heart, melting away secure attachments at the bottom of the glass. A heady cocktail of all the things I’ve ever done wrong. Nothing seems to sooth, even as you hold me close. There are days when I know you hate me, despite what you say. Are we friends? You laugh and say of course, we’ve been friends for a long time now. I need to be reminded I say, because sometimes, I feel like you hate me. How hard I try to be loved, a perfect mask I wear for all of you. It slips sometimes when you smile, when your head rests on my shoulder, when we kiss passionately under the stars. Sometimes I take it off around you, the world is lighter and I remember who I am, who I want to be. And I wait for you to hate me.
Cigarettes and Sweat
Music floods the crowded dance floor
Bodies swing out in time, wanting more
A smile on your face lights up the room
Dancing all night long till we’re sore
Chest-to-chest we beat together as one
Heat radiates from your heart like a sun
A warm embrace after a cool dip
Our long night has only just begun
Cold beer washed down with friends,
Fans waving fast, cool air helps cleanse
Your voice rings out across the expanse
Upon an empty floor everyone descends
Afterwards, gin and stories of escapades
Sweat and cigarettes my senses serenades
It’s late, arm-in-arm we head on home
Ears ringing as the night and music fades