Iphys’s first thought was to just ignore them, weird patrons had a knack for finding her alone in the library’s stacks. Most were perfectly harmless, wanting only to chat at length about some obscure hyper-focus of theirs. Some were even interesting, like the retired civil engineer who had designed and built the last wooden bridge in the area. Until his technical ramblings bled into casual racism, complaining about the current trend of renaming bridges in the local First Nation language, that is.
She struggled to hide her emotions sometimes, and apparently rolling your eyes so far back into your head you could only see white was an emotional response she had a lot. This was considered ‘rude’ and ‘unfriendly’ behaviour by her manager and reflected in her performance reviews. Iphys had argued that racism was far ruder and against the library’s code of conduct, but patrons aren’t subject to performance reviews, or common decency it seems. Which is why they tended keep her off the front desk as much as possible, and why she was currently being stalked through the shelves by some random patron.
A light jingle of metal bangles and bracelets trailed after her as she tried to stay focused on returning books to shelves. Iphys wanted to look up and see who was following her but knew from past experience that some people took that as an invitation to talk. Instead, her eyes only moved from the books in her arms to the books on the shelves, a pointed finger scanning the spines, and the alphabet running on a loop on lips. Trying so hard to look busy pained her but she hoped the ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes she was putting out would be heard loud and clear. Even by the most socially clueless patron.
The soft bell like sound from the other side of the shelves told her otherwise though. She sighed to herself and made space on the shelf for the cosy mystery novel in her hand. A beautiful dark brown eye stared back at her through the gap. Heavy golden eyeshadow glittered on light brown skin and thick black eyeliner cut across it in an impossibly perfect wing. Focused entirely on Iphys the eye blinked slowly, like a cat who deems you ok enough to be in their presence. The eye’s owner smiled, evidenced by their cheekbones rising and the slightest of wrinkles appearing at the corner of the eye.
Taken back by the unexpected eye contact, Iphys smiled awkwardly and hastily shoved the book she held into the gap, blocking the line of sight. She spun around and walked purposefully away, ignoring the other three books in her arms she needed to shelve in that area. At the relative safety of the returns trolly Iphys dumped her remaining books and head down, focused intently on selecting more. She absentmindedly rubbed the sun disk pendant that hung around her neck, a long time stim of hers, as she hunted for books that belonged on the far side of the library.
Thankfully the soft ring of jewellery stayed silent and Iphys could relax somewhat. Ever hyper-vigilant she didn’t truely relax, but it was enough to allow her to focus on the job at hand. Which is why when a low toned voice suddenly cut through the back of her head Iphys all but threw a rather weighty copy of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations over her shoulder. Clutching the book to her chest instead Iphys tried to regain her composure and turned to ask them to repeat the question. She stopped mid apology to fully take in the woman standing before her.
She was tall and solidly built, echoing Iphy’s own body shape but holding it much, much better. There was a very real pang of dysphoria as Iphys mentally compared herself to this unknown woman, consciously hiding her own flawed body with her arms. Elegantly dressed in a sleeveless white wrap dress, her pitch black hair fell in a sharp angled bob framing her face like a 1920s flapper. The whole look was topped off with a thick but intricate gold arm band that wrapped around her left bicep, this matched several bangles of various sizes that congregated around both her wrists. A pendant hung from her neck, a higher end version of the one Iphys wore, a golden sun disk between two cow horns.
Despite all the jewellery, the woman came across as elegant but not over done. A hard thing to pull off even for the best of us, Iphys thought to herself. Based purely on how confident and sure of herself she was, Iphys guessed the woman must be in her late thirties - early forties. No one in their twenties had that much self esteem, at least no one she had ever met. A final stab of jealousy exited Iphy’s body as a deep, wistful sigh when she noticed that the impossibly perfect eyeliner she had seen through the shelves was practically copy and pasted onto the other eye. This woman couldn’t be real, could she?
“That’s a big sigh,” said the woman, her voice deep and smooth like a jazz singer.
“Sorry,” said Iphys with the barest hint of a smile, “long day.”
“Mm, books can be quite tiring I hear.”
Iphys rolled her eyes, only just remembering to tone it down, “yeah, they certainly take it out of you. Can I help you with anything?”
“Maybe…” the woman said as she dragged her eyes slowly down Iphy’s body, drawn to the ID tag that dangled from the lanyard around her neck. “Iphys? That’s a rather unusual name.”
Iphys hummed dismissively. It was almost a Pavlovian response by now to anyone new saying her name.
“I knew an Iphys once,” continued the woman, “it was a long time ago though. Has its roots in ancient Greece you know, did your parents call you that?”
“No. I chose it myself,” asserted Iphys proudly.
“How very bold of you.”
“Can I help you with anything,” asked Iphys rather curtly. Her growing irritation curled around her words just as her hands gripped the edges of the book cart. “Library related?”
“Library related?” repeated the woman, clicking her tongue in thought. “No, not really.”
“Well if you need other help you can ask my colleagues at the front desk. Enjoy your day,” she said with a fake smile.
Iphys turned around to focus on her shelving, hoping the woman would get the hint.
“The question young Iphys,’ said the woman not taking the hint, ‘is how can I help you.”
With books clutched to her chest and eyes pointedly fixed on the returns trolly Iphys replied dismissively, “look, thanks, I’m flattered and all but as a general rule I don’t date patrons.”
Once again the woman clicked her tongue in response. “My dear,” she said sweetly, “you could do a lot worse, but we both know you have your little heart set on young Ianthe.”
Iphys was taken aback. “You know Ianthe?” she asked, this time looking properly at the woman she had written off as a random nobody. “Because you don’t look familiar, and I’m pretty sure I know most of her… “ she paused and looked the woman up and down, “friends.”
The woman ignored the petty tone that had painted Iphys’s words and let her eyes wander. “There are many things a goddess such as myself could do to help that relationship you know.”
“Oh!” said Iphys with the sudden and unfortunately familiar realisation that she was talking to one of ‘those’ patrons. Iphys smiled and started pushing the trolly away. “A goddess huh, okay, sure…sure.”
She looked around desperately for one of her colleagues to come rescue her, hel even another client would have done. Everyone must have been off for lunch though and the few patrons dotted about were in their own private worlds. With no help in sight, and against her better judgment, Iphys kept talking in an effort to make things less awkward. “Are you going to perform a miracle for me or something?” She said, instantly feeling the awkwardness of the whole situation increase. The self professed goddess scoffed, “you’re going to have to take my word for it dear, I’m not in the business of proving myself to mortals.”
“How convenient for you,” replied Iphys dubiously. Through all her protective cynicism, somewhere in the back of her mind, a tiny empathetic voice called out. Her face softened as she turned to look at the woman, the goddess. “Look,” she said in a soft, calm voice, “if you need some help I can put you in touch with the city’s mental health support team. They’re super lovely people and I think they could really help you if you wanted it?”
The woman looked more than a little annoyed at the suggestion as her eyes narrowed. “Child, do not humour me,” she said, emphasising each and every word.
“I’m not humouring you,’ defended Iphys, her voice slow and clam. “I genuinely care and am happy to help you.” She opened her arms out wide and earnestly continued, “a lot of our patrons need support every now and then, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, trust me. The city’s mental health team have personally helped me a lot over the past few years.”
Huffing, the woman started to circle around Iphys, her face scrunched in fury and thought. “You are lucky that I am in need of your assistance, otherwise this conversation would be over.” She let a ring studded hand drop to the book cart and slid it along the spines as she circled. Green and red gems shone from her fingers playfully catching the light despite being directly under depressingly diffused fluorescent tubes. “I hear your prayers at night Iphys,” she continued wistfully. “You think them to be stupid and pointless, but I listen nonetheless. There are few who worship me these days, and even fewer who would offer themselves unto me for a boon.”
Unable to control her facial features at the best of times, Iphys felt her muscles sifting her face shifting through a wide spectrum of feelings, from curious to shocked, and back to its resting scepticism. “Oh,” scoffed Iphys, “and which goddess are you then? If you truely hear my prayers at night?”
The woman ignored the tone directed at her and straightened up defiantly. “I am the daughter of earth and sky. Wife to Osiris. Queen of the Ennead,” she starred directly into Iphy’s soul as she spoke, “you know my name, child.”
Iphys took a step back, clutching the gold pendant that hung from her neck. “That’s…” she stammered, “that’s very interesting. A queen and a goddess, oh my.” She abandoned the book cart and turned to put a few steps between her and the woman. This time the woman, queen, goddess stayed where she was, giving Iphys room to breathe. Iphys fingered the pendant, feeling the rough outline of the ancient throne and the sun disc that sat above it. It had to be some kind of joke, right? Some horrid person looking for revenge, or to teach her a twisted lesson. The only one who came to mind was the one who gave her the necklace to begin with. Her mother.
With a tight squeeze of the pendant and a silent prayer, Iphys turned to confront the self proclaimed goddess queen. She held the pendant up and accused the woman in her loudest, harshest whisper, “you saw my necklace didn’t you? Is this some sick trick you like to play on people?” She tended to speak with her hands when she got passionate or angry, and they waved about freely now. “Like, are you getting off on pretending to be a goddess? Promising people things you couldn’t possibly deliver. You have no idea what I ask the goddess every night do you? You have no fucking idea about the anguish and pain I beg her to take away from me, to grant me just one good thing in my gods damned miserable life!” Her voice peaked into the upper bounds of a whisper and strayed into a poorly restrained shout.
The goddess stood in relative calm watching as a visibly shaken Iphys hugged herself tightly, trying to hold back the wave of pain and anger that threatened to wash over her. The scant few patrons in the library looked up at the commotion but quickly waved it off as a mild annoyance, and returned to their reading or sleeping. Tears welled up in her eyes threatening to ruin her own wonky and imperfect eyeliner. Iphys forced herself to glare at the woman in the hopes that the threat of embarrassment would push the tears back. Rather than feed her anger the woman looked at Iphys with warm compassionate eyes and in a soft motherly tone simply said, “you want me to make it real. Become the woman you already are.”
Despite their soft delivery, the words slammed into Iphys like a fist into a punching bag. Each syllable digging into a lifetime of despair, hope, joy, and trauma. The tears she fought hard against sent a wave of fresh reinforcements and her whole body just screamed ‘run’. The nearest staff door was located directly behind the source of her pain, blocked from safety Iphys started walking as quickly as she could down a row of shelves to get away. Head down still hugging herself tightly, Iphy’s escape was cut short as she ran directly into someone. Before she could utter a garbled apology, a sweet familiar sent filled her nose. Looking up through blurry, tear filled eyes she saw the woman come goddess standing there.
“Please, I need to…” started Iphys, her voice quivering, barely holding back a torrential onset of sobbing. She just wanted to hide in the bathroom and cry like any reasonable person would.
“You have asked for my help and I am here to give it, child.” The woman’s voice was deeper now, quieter, full of a mother’s tough love, unlike her own mother’s voice, who frequently forgot the love part. “But my boons come at a cost.”
“Please,” Iphys hissed between ragged breaths. “You can’t do this. Pretending to be her, it’s just cruel. I would do anything for her, but you’re just, you’re just a…”
The woman reached out and cradled Iphys’ head in the palm of her right hand. “My child,” she hummed softly. “There is no pretence here, I am she, and I will help you.” Her hand was not only firm and warm against Iphy’s face, there was a subtle hum of power there, it tingled across her skin and calmed her infinitely.
Iphys couldn’t help but close her eyes and lean into it, surrendering herself to the absolutely crazy thought that this woman could be a goddess. The goddess! As absurd as it sounded, the feeling of being touched by her was entirely blissful. “You are her, aren’t you?” Iphys mumbled as tears leaked slowly down her cheek, pooling around the woman’s fingers. While she couldn’t see it, Iphys felt the woman smile as she spoke. “Say it.”
Iphys opened her eyes and dragged them upwards against the blissful pull of the goddess’s touch. Looking directly up into her deep brown eyes Iphys whispered the goddess’s name softly as if manifesting a dream, “…Isis.”
The now named goddess closed her eyes and shivered all over, as if ice cold water poured down her body. “There is power in a name young Iphys,” she said sweetly, “power in belief. Believe in me and you will go far.” The goddess Isis cupped Iphy’s face with both hands, staring directly into her eyes. Looking back at the goddess Iphys felt more loved than she ever had before, but also more terrified than she ever thought possible.
With a rather ambiguous smile on her face the goddess ran her hand along Iphy’s jaw line and lifted her chin up. She looked silently into Iphy’s eyes before releasing her with the flick of a finger. As Iphy’s stayed frozen in place, her eyes stuck looking up at Isis, the goddess spoke. All softness had gone from her voice, leaving only calm commanding tones, “now that is over I have need of you, come child, we have much to discuss.” With nothing more, the goddess walked past her and headed towards the library exit. A combination of shock, awe, and the uneasy feeling that her second mental break had just hit left Iphys hesitating. Out of the goddess’s direct presence, the warm tingly sensations had almost completely faded away and what she took to be reality crashed back over her, like waves slamming into a lonely cliff. She eyed the half empty book trolly and mechanically wandered over to it, the beige powder coated shelves tugged at her brain wanting her to return to the mind numbing work of shelving. She picked up a book without thinking, holding its well used and slightly greasy form against her chest.
While the goddess had disappeared from sight the light jangle of her bracelets sounded throughout the shelves, sweet and hypnotic. Iphys tilted her head towards the sound and squeezed the book tighter as her mind battled with itself. With a bite of her lip, Iphys threw the book back onto the trolly. “Fuck this shit,” she said loudly and rushed off to find her goddess.